Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Struggling

So I'm now reading The Power Of A Praying Wife by Stomie Omartian. I've read it once before and I feel like its time to read it again. I don't usually blog about the details of life but today is alittle different. I know mostly everyone that reads this blog is a praying person, so here goes. It was a rough weekend for me, and I feel like its carrying over to the week now. Anyone who really knows me knows that I have a hard time trusting people. So, lets say someone (who will remain nameless) does something to break that trust how do you forgive that person? I just can't do it. I know its the right thing to do but I'm really struggling with this. I can't get pass the trust thing. I can talk to this person and be fine but then the trust thing pops up and I just want to scream. It just won't go away. I've forgiven people for things all the time but this person has done this to me 2 times now. Seriously... Am I just that naive? How do I know that its only been 2 times? Really I honestly thing its been more then that. I can honestly say I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart and someone keeps twisting the knife. I always tell the kids “when you get knocked down by life, you have to pull yourself back up.” The sad thing is I don't want to get up. I also tell the kids “Is this something you are going to remember in a month from now? If no then it’s not a big deal.” I can honestly say YES I will remember this in a month from now. I’m just so hurt by this nameless person.

So, I know I'm acting like a real baby but my story isn't done. My father found out that he has skin cancer yesterday. We don't know much yet but next Monday hopefully we will know more. We do know its slow moving. It’s just that word cancer. Of course, I know I’m not the only person in the world with problems. I know there’s someone out there that has more serious problems then mine. It just seems that the family gets done with one problem and there’s another one waiting.

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12, NLT